


The Changes We Go Through

by JenSpinner



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Anger, Angst, Awesome Charlie Bradbury, Castiel & Sam Winchester Friendship, Castiel Searches For God, Castiel in Alternate Vessels, Castiel in a Female Vessel, Castiel is Missing, Chuck loves Charlie Bradbury, Dean Prays, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Dean Winchester Realizes His Feelings For Castiel, Dean in Denial, Death, Depressed Dean, Drunk Dean, Female Castiel/Male Dean Winchester, Loss, Major Character Injury, Praying to Castiel, Reapers, Sad Castiel, Sam Prays, Sam Winchester Searches For Castiel, Sam tells Dean off, Sharing a Body, Team Free Will, Timelines, Trials of Heaven
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2018-12-31 08:14:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 13,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12128292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JenSpinner/pseuds/JenSpinner
Summary: Castiel is a beautiful dark haired, blue eyed woman - or at least - that's the vessel he is 'wearing' when he first meets Dean and Sam Winchester.Both brothers take to 'Cass' straight away, 'she' becomes there friend. But for Dean - it evolves in to more than that. Whilst trying to wrap his head around the fact he has deeper feelings for the angel..The vessel Castiel is 'wearing' is damaged beyond repair and Dean thinks he has lost his chance at love foreverUntil Cass comes back wearing the vessel of a man called Jimmy NovakCan Dean bring himself to love a man?





	1. The Female Vessel

**Author's Note:**

> This idea came to me mid way through another fic - I'm normally a finish what you started - 1 fic at a time kinda girl but i had to write this down before i forgot and i couldn't find a pen =) haha
> 
> As always, thank you to those who read and leave comments or kudos =) x

  

"I'm Cas"

That was it  - his first mistake. Or 'her' first mistake, as currently, Castiel was in the vessel of a beautiful young woman. Her eyes bright blue, her hair long and dark. Pale flawless skin. It's no wonder that the Winchesters had been quite taken by ~~him~~  her from their first meeting. And failing to give his full name (Castiel) they seemed to have fallen into the belief that he was, female. He hadn't intended that at all, he was just used to being called Cass in this vessel. Being addressed as Castiel as a woman had drawn some unwanted attention on a few occasions, it was just easier as Cass. He had spent most of his time when on earth, in male vessels. He was used to male vessels. Now, here he was in a female vessel, getting used to all these new bumps on his new body. 

He felt the two Winchester brothers eyes flit over his vessels body, however much they had tried to cover it up. They had both checked him out and he couldn't help it as he felt the blush rise to his cheeks. He was not used to being looked at like that, especially not by men, especially not by men that looked like that...  

Sam Winchester was tall, had long hair, the figure of a yoga instructor. He was well read, smart and sincere. Dean Winchester had short hair, he wasn't as buff as his brother (probably to do with his love of burgers and pies) but he was still in good shape, he had forest green eyes, honey tanned skin and .. full lips. Castiel couldn't help it - he seemed to keep glancing back to Dean. 

Dean... And those eyes.. those beautiful deep green eyes...

He was instantly attracted.. The more time he spent the brothers, the worse it became. He could tell Sam was good looking, sure.. But withDean... He didn't just fancy him.. he was glued to every word that came out of his mouth, watched him from a distance, always longing to be closer. Even though he was in a female vessel he didn't believe.. wouldn't dare to dream.. that Dean could ever feel these things for him..

***

"Dibs" Whispered Dean when the angel was out of earshot. Sam looked at him, rolling his eyes.

"Dude you..." Sam began but then trailed off

"What?" Said Dean smirking... "Dibs.. is dibs"

Sam had been about to say 'you realize that angels technically have no gender' but the words caught in his throat as he began to wonder if that was also true for Demons.. what if Ruby had been.. no, not going there. So he said nothing. The chance's of Dean hooking up with this angel were slim.. at best.. he thought to himself.

Dean smiled mistaking Sam's silence for defeat. And that.. right there. Was Dean's first mistake.


	2. When You Think You Understand

Sam could see it, happening right in front of him.

Dean was sat opposite him on the stool, leaning over the kitchen bar, pale, shaking. Fat tears threatening to crash down his cheeks. Visibly falling apart in front of him.

"I think I'm gonna throw up" Muttered Dean before dashing out of the room for the nearest toilet. Vomiting hard into the bowl. Sam followed the weight of what had happened and having to go through it again to Dean crippling him on the inside.

He stood over Dean, wanting to give him his space, but be there for him at the same time.

***

It had been six months since the Winchesters had met Cass. Sam and Cass had become really good friends, he enjoyed talking to the Angel about angel lore and old history. But at first Dean had seemed to - weirdly, hold back. Choosing to observe rather than join in. Sam had wondered at first what was wrong with his brother.. Did he not trust Cass? Did he think that he had ignored Dean's 'dibs'..

But now Sam knew, the truth seemed so blinding obvious now... Dean had been putting a distance between himself and the angel because... He was in love. He had fallen, head first, blindly and completely in love - with an angel... And Sam knew - that Dean, being Dean never thought himself good enough for anyone, so how was he going to cope, being in love with an angel?

Eventually, he had allowed himself to open up to Cass. Cass had healed him after a hunt with a vampire had gone south and Dean had allowed himself to be held. Sam had witnessed Cass comforting him.. telling him he would be fine before healing him and helping him up... Sam had seen their eyes meet.. He had looked away at that point thinking they were going to kiss. But Dean had thanked Cass and pulled away...

And so it had begun.. months of Sam catching them looking at each other as the other was looking away... weeks of them staring at each other, and in the last couple of days.. he had overheard Dean telling Cass how much he cared, and how grateful he was that they had met.

 

***

And now it was over.. Cass was gone.. And Dean was sure to blame himself for not being there.

Sammy had told Dean how they had been attacked... This other angel had cornered Cass. And how he had been pinned back, he'd heard her screams as the other angel had cut at her with an angel blade. How he had seen a bright white flash and seen both angels fall to the ground. How he had heard police sirens at the very moment he had begun to move towards Cass... He would have brought her back, but the police had been right on top of him and he had only just got out of there without being asked any questions...


	3. New Skin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK.. I started this a while ago and I've only just added a new chapter - I'm sorry I haven't added more sooner. Had a bit of a block when its come to writing recently. Been working on a new facebook group me and a few friends have started =
> 
> https://www.facebook.com/groups/1738066693138229/ 
> 
> Destiel Fan-Fiction Prompts, Writings, and Such.
> 
> I am an admin for the group and setting it up has been fun but taken most of my time the last couple of nights, feel free to come join =) We would love to get some more members. 
> 
> More to come on this fic soon. I will try not to leave such a gap next time xxxx
> 
> Thank you for reading. If you like it, don't be shy, drop me a comment - they help me know people are enjoying it <3

Castiel was cornered. He spied Sam somewhere in the background for a moment, at least he was out of harms way. He looked down and saw his angel blade on the floor, far out of reach. The angel in front of him smirking at him, clearly believing he'd won. Castiel's hands came up to meet the angel's blade that was being thrust forward.  
His hands clamped on either side of it, it slipped forward an inch or so, slicing his hands but didn't let go, instead he twisted his hands underneath it, pushing it upward. The angel staggered forward a step thrown off balance.. Castiel moved one of his cut hands to grip the wrist of the other angel and in one quick movement pushed his hand and the angel blade up straight through the face of the other angel.. they both fell, a blinding bright white light shone from the other angel, and burnt wing marks on the ground spread around him. 

Castiel's vessel was in tatters, grace seeping from several angel blade wounds. Castiel tried to heal his vessel, but his escaping grace was weakening him.. she was dying. Withdrawing to the mind of his vessel he thanked her, comforted her and told her a place in heaven awaited her. Lastly before departing, he told her how sorry he was and put her in a painless dream state as she finally succumbed to her injuries. 

Castiel left his vessel, his escaping grace drawn back to him as he floated through the cold night air as a cloud of light, searching. He needed to find a new vessel.. and quickly. 

 

***********************

Three months earlier..

Dean was in a bad mood. They had killed the vampire, but the teenage boy they had been trying to save had died from blood loss. Sam had tried to keep out of his way, knowing that Dean wouldn't want to 'talk' about his feelings.. 

Castiel however, hadn't gotten the memo. 

He walked in, his womanly figure drawing Dean's attention as it so often did "Hello Dean" 

"Hey Cass" Dean's voice was dull, missing the usual fight behind it. 

"Are you alright?" Castiels voice was so feminine, so soft "You know there was nothing more you could have done?" 

Dean scoffed "I could have gotten there sooner" 

Castiel took a seat next to the hunter "We got there as quickly as we could. You can't blame yourself every time something out of your control goes badly" 

Dean grumbled, but didn't speak. Instead making a movement to pick up his bottle of beer and take a swig. Flinching slightly as Castiel put a hand on his arm "You did everything you could. And you saved people you've never even met, future would be victims. You stopped that vampire from being able to turn anyone else.. saving their future would be victims too and you got justice for that boy"

Dean looked up into Castiels eyes, those beautiful blue eyes, and smiled sadly "It isn't enough. That kid was barely nineteen years old, how is that fair?" 

Castiel considered Dean's words for a moment before speaking "It isn't fair Dean.. It's life" 

Dean pulled a face "Aren't you meant to say something, like.. God has a plan for everyone? Everything happens for a reason or some shit?"

Castiel frowned at him and brushed his vessels long hair out of his face "There are over seven billion people on the planet right now.. Scientists have estimated that there are approximately 8.7 million species on Earth. Do you really think God has time to create individual plans for every single soul on the planet?"

Dean blinked at Castiel, taken aback. 

"God made plans, guidelines if you will.. for the.. how would you put it.. the big players.. people who would do things of great importance.. Like you and Sam for example.. But there is no way he can have plans for each and every living thing.. The whole point of free will is that people choose there own paths.." 

"Except for me and Sam though right.. We weren't meant to deviate from his plan to bring about the apocalypse?"

"Is that really what you believe?" Castiel's head tilted to the side in question "I think he choose you and Sam for just the opposite reason. Because he knew you would choose your own pathways.. and you did. You stopped the apocalypse from happening.. If God had truly wanted it to happen.. We wouldn't have been able to stop it" 

"So it was a test? An experiment? God's just been messing around with people's lives to see how they react.. " The anger in Dean's voice made Castiel sit up straight 

"No. I don't think so. I believe that God can see parts of the future.. The apocalypse for example.. Maybe he knew it was coming, he knew what Lucifer was going to do. But being the creator of free will.. he himself couldn't stop Lucifer.. Or that would taking away his free will. He just made sure you and Sam were there, he probably believed in what you would do.. but it was a gamble.. you and Sam have free will, you could have made different choices, gone down a different path.. But he had faith in the two of you, to do the right thing.. And you did"

Dean was blinking in stunned silence again.. 'Could Cass be right? That God had faith in them'? 

 

******************************

NOW..

James Novak woke up suddenly, his hand shielding his eyes from the blinding light now filling his bedroom..


	4. What fits you best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jimmy meets Castiel

The white light filled Jimmy Novak's bedroom. He peered out between his fingers, trying to see but also trying to let his eyes adjust to the sudden light. There was a white undefined mist floating above him. Surprisingly he didn't feel scared, he felt calm. Gradually his eyes grew use to the new light and he lowered his hand from in front of his face. He sat up in bed as the white mist rolled downwards to be level with him, floating just at the end of the bed. 

Jimmy listened, there were no words, well not really. It was more like music, but he knew what it meant. He understood somehow. He was a devote man, a church going man, but he had never thought that he would be visited by an angel. The mist of light swirled in front of him, gliding around calmly. 

"What would I be if I denied help to an angel?" He said quietly before listening to the music of the angel again. He knew what the angel was asking, he knew what he would be giving up, sacrificing his entire life. But he led a small life, he wasn't married, he didn't have children or a very important job, his only friends were from his church, how would even be able to go back to church if he denied an angel. He nodded as the music finished he got up out of his bed and stood before the mist "Yes, you have my permission" 

Jimmy closed his eyes. Suddenly he was in a field, his mother and father were there and he was ten years old. He was helping his mother set up a picnic on a checked blanket on the ground as his father was kicking a ball around with the family dog, Rex, who would go chasing after it and kept bringing it back. The sun was beaming and the few clouds in the sky were like far off giant fluffy balls of white candy floss. 

Castiel opened Jimmy's eyes. His light shinning brightly through them as he settled into his new vessel. He blinked. A sudden image of the child Jimmy playing in the field flashed before his eyes. 'Nice choice of memory Jimmy, and thank you' He thought but did not speak out loud. He walked to the bathroom that joined on to Jimmy's bedroom. Turning on the light and standing before the mirror to examine his new vessel. He moved his arms about, to see how they looked. His arms were much bigger now, compared to the slender arms of his former female vessel. Ruth's body had been beautiful but slender and fragile looking. As he looked at himself now, he was satisfied to note that Jimmy's body was toned and muscular. He also saw that he was still wearing pyjama's. What an odd little ritual he though, a whole new outfit every day, and every night. So wasteful. Although - he considered, angels do not sweat, humans do. 

He walked back into the bedroom. He stopped and looked down. He hadn't been bare footed in a human vessel for many years. He watched as he curled his toes in the thick carpet. That felt rather pleasant he thought, before continuing towards the wardrobe and pulling the double wooden doors open before him. He pulled off the pyjama's Jimmy had been wearing, the top the bottoms and... oh.. It appears that Jimmy does not wear underwear to bed. Fully naked now Castiel turned to the draws next to the wardrobe and opened the top one, sure enough there was the underwear. He pulled out the top most pair of black boxers and stepped into them. Then turned back to the open wardrobe. He pulled out two white shirts, putting one on and lying the other on the bed, no doubt he would need a spare at some point. He pulled a blue tie from a hanger and wrapped it around his neck. The he found some crisp black trouser pants and slipped them on. He turned back to the draws and grabbed a pair of black socks, sitting on the end of the bed he dragged them on. He returned to the bathroom to tie the tie in front of the mirror and look at himself again. He slightly missed Ruth's face looking back at him. He wished he had been able to save her. After a few minutes trying to flatten Jimmy's bed hair down, he moved away again. He found a jacket blazer and put it on, then went in search of shoe's. Which he found on the landing space out side Jimmy's bedroom. He picked a pair of plain black shoes and with the spare white shirt in his hand, moved down the stairs. 

At the bottom of the stairs was a coat stand.. and on the coat stand, under the slight glow of the street lamp that shone just out side the front door and seemed to hit its mark with definite purpose.. was a beige trench coat. Such a simple thing. But Castiel stopped and looked at it, angels don't get cold, they were not conditioned to react to such things as temperature but he felt a slight pull towards the coat. Maybe it was just his subconscious telling him that it was sensible to take it as people would notice if he didn't wear it on a day that was perceived by humans to be cold.

He pulled on the trench coat and still carrying the extra white shirt in his hand unlocked the front door. He stepped out and closed the door again, locked it and knelt down to leave the key under the matt. His thoughts turned to Dean and Sam as he set out in the dark. He hoped Sam had got away from the scene easily, he remembers hearing the police sirens before having to leave his vessel. If Sam had been arrested, he would need his help. But he needed to go back and check on what would happen to Ruth's body before returning to the Winchester's bunker and checking on Sam. Paying for a decent funeral for his latest vessel was so much less than she deserved but sadly - all he could give her now. He wondered how Dean would be coping if Sam had been arrested and he hadn't returned at all.. 

 

********************

 

Two months ago

"Look, would you just pick something already?" Dean was grumbling, clearly having reached his limit for clothes shopping as Castiel held up two different pairs of jean's to see which would be best.

Castiel looked at him "You were the one who said I needed to buy something new. That my attire was not suitable for hunting?" 

"Yeah. I know and now I wish I'd kept my mouth shut" Dean was holding a bag with a dozen new flannel shirts in and several bundles of thick black socks his and Sam's yearly supply. 

"Do you think these will be alright?" Asked Castiel, looking from the jean's to Dean with uncertainty 

Dean looked at the jean's. The label said 'skinny fit'. He bite back a smile before innocently saying "Why don't you just try them on quickly?" 

Castiel frowned at Dean briefly before shrugging and then put one of the pairs of jeans back on the hanger and began pulling 'her' skirt down in the middle of the store, intending to change into the jeans. 

"Not here" Hissed Dean looking around quickly but definitely not missing the silky outline of Ruth's panties 

Castiel hurried away pulling the skirt back up as he went to find a dressing room. 

Dean watching after 'her' and admiring 'her' bum for a moment before catching himself and looking away.


	5. Burning for you

"You should have let me come with you!" Dean was spitting the last bits of sick out of his mouth and into the toilet before flushing it and slowly getting up "I should have been there" 

Sam frowned and retorted angrily "Well maybe if you hadn't drank yourself shitfaced last night?"

Dean's hangover. That was why he hadn't been there. That was why he was being sick now, well that, and just finding out the Cass was gone. Dean stood up fully, glared at Sam before cupping his hands under the tap and splash some water in to his mouth to rinse out the sicky taste. Sam walked out of the bathroom annoyed that Dean had tried to blame him. As if he didn't feel shitty enough for just leaving Cass there. He went to his room and slammed the door.

Dean was still sucking more water out of his hands a swilling his mouth out. He turned the tap off and grabbed the hand towel to wipe his face. He looked in the mirror. He looked like shit. He felt worse. What if him being there could have made a difference? He didn't really blame Sam, he was just trying to not blame himself. He had gotten drunk, he'd been hungover, he'd not been fit to go along with Cass and Sam, if he had been there, sober.. Would Cass still be here? 

 

*******************

Six weeks ago

"I'll always come when you need me Dean, for you and Sam. All you have to do is ask..pray" Said Cass smiling at him "I will always help when I can" 

Dean smiled "I know you would. But I'm not really the praying type" 

"You don't have to think of it as praying. Just think of it as calling me without having to charge a phone?" Cass smirked as though impressed at the idea

"I can do that" Said Dean "I'll tell Sammy too. You know.. You could just stay here? I mean I know you don't sleep, but you could have a room and just use this place as your base?" 

"I wouldn't want to impose" 

"You're here all the time anyway, it would just mean you had your own space. It's up to you" Dean looked like he was annoyed with himself for saying anything.

Castiel looked at him "If you are sure that would be alright? Sam wouldn't mind?" 

Dean nodded, perking up suddenly "Sure it's alright. Sam wont mind" 

"Thank you. Which room should I take?" Castiel followed Dean to one of the empty rooms as Dean opened the door Castiel thought he was going to walk in to the room. But he had stopped in the door way clearing just intending to let Cass pass him. But Castiel walked right in to him.

"Sorry Dean" Cass flustered 

Dean just laughed "It's OK" Dean stood up straight again and found himself almost nose to nose with Cass. He swallowed and after a split second glance at 'her' lips turned away and side stepped further in to the room. "How's this?" 

Castiel tilted his head smiling around the little room and looked back at Dean before saying "It's perfect" 

 

************************

"Perfect Dean! You're just going to start drinking again?!" Spat Sam angrily as he entered the kitchen 

Dean pulled a beer out of the fridge before turning to face Sam "Yeah. Why not? Can't kill Cass twice can I? So yeah I going to drink until I pass out" 

Sam rolled his eyes "It's not your fault Dean and it's not my fault either. It just happened"

Dean ignored him, opening the beer and taking a long swig from it. 

"At least eat something?" Offered Sam watching him

"No thanks, mom" Dean took another drink from his beer before walking out of the kitchen. Sam was shaking his head behind him, but thankfully didn't follow. 

Dean went back to his room and sat on his bed, nursing his beer in his hand "Shit" He muttered "Shit, Shit, Shit" He closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose. He put his beer down on his bedside table and pull his headphones and ipod out of the draw, he turned it on, clicked play and lay back on the bed letting Billy Squier - Lonely Is The Night wash over him. Desperately trying to think of anything other than Cass - therefore thinking of nothing else. 

Then the next song came on and Dean closed his eyes remembering..

*****************

One Month Ago

"You've never heard of Blue Oyster Cult?" Dean shook his head looking at the angel "You do listen to music right?"

"Yes. I've heard several songs on the radio. I use to enjoy a lot of classical music, Mozart-The Marriage of Figaro and Rimsky-Korsakov: Flight of the Bumble-Bee were two particular favourites of mine. Bumble bee's have always stood out as special to me and Rimskys melody captures the feel of them perfectly" 

Dean looked at Cass like an alien "The marriage of the flamingo's?" He eyes with a raised eyebrow

Cass narrowed her eyes at Dean "Figaro" 

Dean shrugged "Well anyway Blue Oyster Cult: Burnin' For You - is an awesome track. Here listen" He put his headphones over Cass' head for a brief moment 'she' was looking at him horrified but then Dean pressed play and 'she' relaxed as the music came on, she smiled.

"Yes this is enjoyable" She agreed


	6. Hide and Seek

Three weeks ago.. 

Dean was sat reading some really dull book about wendigo, Sam was looking online for any possible cases and Cass was listening to the mix tape that Dean had given 'her'. He had insisted that 'she' needed to widen 'her' musical range, he had loaded a brand new ipod with lots of different songs for 'her' including - Simple Man Leonard Skynard, Peace Of Mind Boston, Dust In The Wind Kansas and a whole mix of other stuff. 

 

Dean looked up from his book. Thoroughly bored, he glanced over to Sam, his face was so close to his laptop that Dean half expected him to get sucked in to it at any moment. 'Nerd' he thought to himself, before glancing over to Cass. 'She' was sat back in an arm chair, with Dean's headphones over 'her' ears with 'her' eyes closed and a confused expression on 'her' face. 'She' suddenly opened 'her' eyes and caught Dean looking at 'her'. Dean shifted and sat up, cheeks pinkening at being caught staring. 

Cass just tilted 'her' head and pulled the headphones down "Dean?" 'She' asked questioningly "I don't think I am understanding this song. This girl is claiming that her milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.. But it seems to me that they must be craving the milk, so surely a calcium deficiency would be a more likely reason.. that they all went 'to the yard'?" 

Sam looked up, frowning "Really Dean? Kelis?" 

Dean looked at him smirking "Hey man, you know the artist.. " 

Sammy shook his head before retreating behind his laptop screen again. 

Turning back to Cass, Dean said "It's er.. not meant to be taken literally Cass.." He laughed "Skip it if you don't like it?" 

Castiel looked at him "It's finished now. Now there is a song playing about 'fat bottomed girls'. I think I know this band.. I thought the lead singer of this band was gay? I'm confused as to why a gay man would be singing about girls bottoms?" 

Dean spat out the sip of beer he had just drank and burst out laughing.

Castiel frowned "Further more.. I'm not entirely convinced that this man wasn't abused by his 'nanny' as a child.." 

"It's just a song Cass" Said Dean rocking in his chair with laughter. He watched Castiel for a while longer, almost hoping 'she' would have further questions about the music. 

********************

Now

Castiel was invisible walking through the morgue. He checked no one was around, before opening the metal door. He slid the body tray out and with a heartbreaking look of sadness on his face pulled up the sheet covering Ruth's face. She didn't look to as bad as he thought, she almost looked peaceful. Pale yes, but peaceful. He put his fingers to her forehead. Her soul was gone, having had moved on to heaven. 'Good' he thought, 'at least she is at peace'. He checked her paper work added the necessary information for funeral  
arrangements. Before making his way unseen out of the building. One thing he had been glad to see... or not see was any mention of a man fitting Sam's description in her file.  
It was time, finally to return to the bunker and find out how Dean and Sam were doing. 

********************

Two weeks ago

Dean is a little bit drunk, they haven't been out on a job for a couple of days and he was getting restless.. He looks up "Lets play a game" He says hopefully towards Cass and Sam. Sam just rolls his eyes at him.

So Dean looks to Castiel, who frowns but says "Like what? Hide and seek?" 

Dean laughs and says.. "Well what do i get if i find you?"

And Cass just looks at him really puzzled and says "Me"

Sam snorts into his coffee as Dean turns beet red. Castiel looks confused "Isn't the aim of that game? To find the one who is hiding?" 

Sam is giggling behind his hand and Dean can't hide the grin on his face as he thinks 'How cute and nerdy this angel is' 

"Yes Cass" Said Sam finally "That is the aim" 

"Well then..?" 

"Hide and seek is a game for children anyway" Says Dean hurriedly "What about poker?" 

"Can you teach me?" Asked Castiel in a serious tone "I don't know the rules to that game" 

"Sure" Said Dean happily "Sam? Playing?" 

Sam looked over "Show Cass the ropes and i'll join you when I've finished reading this" 

Dean nodded and went to go and get a deck of cards. When he came back he sat across the table from Cass and began teaching 'her' how to play poker.. 

Sam joined after about ten minuets and Castiel ended up winning three rounds before declaring "I think I understand this now" 

Sam and Dean looked at each other "I think I'm going to go to bed" Said Sam 

"Yeah, that's enough poker for one night Cass" Said Dean

"Oh.. But I was just getting it" Sulked Cass


	7. Karaoke Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Jody Mills Birthday... And she WILL sing if she wants to.

The night before they 'lost' Cass. 

 

It's Jody Mill's birthday and Dean and Sam decided to surprise her by throwing a small party at the bunker for her. The beer is flowing, the snacks are disappearing.  
The story's are getting more and more far fetched. Every one is enjoying themselves. Dean is on his sixth or tenth beer when he pulls out the karaoke machine....

Jody's eyes light up as she see's it, she greedily accepts the microphone from Dean and proceeds to drunkenly sing 'We will rock you'. As she finishes everyone cheers and she passes the mircophone to Garth before laughing and asking "Is there any more beers? I do not want to remember that tomorrow" Dean inspects the fridge.

"We're getting low, I could go out and..."

"You can't drive Dean" Said Castiel looking at him "I'll go, It wont take me long, what do you want?"

"You sure?" Slurred Dean smiling "I don't mind.."

Sam narrowed his eyes "Cass is right Dean, you really shouldn't drive"

So Dean starts checking over what they have left and telling Cass what to get.. adding at the end.. "Oh - and Pie! That ok?" Cass nods smirking at him before vanishing. 

In the background Garth starts to sing - 'Hot stuff' very badly, but that just makes everyone cheer him on more. Jody starts dancing with Charlie and the pair of them end up falling over and giggling in a messy heap on the floor. 

Charlie sings next, a reasonably decent rendition of - 'Man eater' "You're up Sam" She says after she finishes.

Sam sighs but eventually agrees, or rather is bullied in to singing, and gives a moody performance of - 'Carry on my wayward son' before bowing his head in shame "I told you I can't sing" He laughs

Next is Dean's turn and Sam sets him up to sing 'Angels' by Robbie Williams, that's when Cass gets back with more beer and pie. 'She' stops in the door way, watching Dean. As he is singing "I'm loving angels instead" 

Castiel felt a strange knot in his throat. Watching the hunter belting out a song about loving angels.. But then Dean's voice drifts into his mind 'It's er.. not meant to be taken literally Cass..'. Of course not, he thought, this was just a song, it wasn't like Dean had even written it. He was just singing it, as part of a game. But some small seed had already planted itself it Castiels mind. Could he love a human? Could a human love an angel? Could Dean ever love him? He felt a pang in his chest. He realised, rather overwhelmingly.. He wanted to think that was possible. Of all the humans on earth, he had never met any one he cared for more, respected more, than Dean. Everything about Dean, he realised.. he liked. Dean made him laugh, explained things when he was unsure of them, helped him understand human behaviour and was willing to teach him new things so that Castiel could be included. Dean seemed to value Castiel in a way that no angel ever had. 

"Pie!" Dean's voice snapped Castiel back to reality as he came over having just finished his song "Yes!!! Thank you! Love me some pie"

Cass handed Dean the bag and their hands glided over each others slightly at the exchange. Deans eyes rose to meet Cass's and for a moment, Castiel thought he felt a flicker of longing behind Dean's gaze. But it passed quickly. Dean pulled the pie out of the bag and put the bag on the table carefully so the beer bottles remained up right. 

"I liked your song Dean" Cass said softly smiling at the hunter. 

Dean laughed "Yeah? You going to have a go?" 

"At singing? No. I don't know any of these songs" Said Cass shyly. Dean shrugged.

"Next time then" He said before turning away from Cass and drunkenly slumping down in an arm chair to enjoy his pie. 

"Nice one Cass" Said Sam grabbing a beer and giving Cass a friendly smile. 

"You're welcome. I think I am going to go and check on something Sam, I'll be back in a little bit" Said Castiel

Sam looked at 'her' with concern "Everything ok?" 

Castiel tried to give a reassuring smile "Yes thank you Sam. I wont be long" Cass turned with a quick glance at Dean who was happily eating his pie and walked back out of the bunker. 

Out side the bunker Castiel walked along under the light of the moon. There was nothing to check on really, but the sudden realisation of how he felt about Dean was clouding his mind. He needed to clear his head, sort through his feelings. Work out what they meant. 

Walking along a dirt track outside the bunker, he could sense it was a cool evening, not that it affected him. He walked along allowing his mind to wander. 

Dean was a human, he was an angel. He thought of the last few months he had spent with the Winchesters, everything he had learnt, all the new experience's he had, had. The new things he was beginning to feel. Every thought he had, seemed to lead back to Dean. Dean.. That wonderfully loyal friend, he had been just that.. a great friend. Perhaps the best friend Castiel would ever have. Castiel blinked, his eyes felt watery, oh how he hoped that Dean would be more than a friend one day. He hoped Dean would reciprocate his feelings. He looked down at his womanly vessel.. This was not his usual gender of vessel, he wondered if him being in a vessel would make it difficult for Dean to allow himself to feel anything for Castiel. He had never wished to be human. He was an angel, and he loved being a servant of heaven.. for the most part.. But he suddenly found himself wishing.. He had his own - human body. He had no doubt that this female form was pleasing to Dean's tastes, but Castiel didn't feel it truly represented him. Ruth was fragile looking, and even though Castiel was an angel he had seen on countless occasions - the protective fire in Deans, and Sam's eyes when they were out on a hunt. They were drawn to feel protective because Castiel had a female vessel, there was no doubt of that in Castiels mind. 

 

**********************

Back in the bunker Dean was finishing his pie "That was an awesome pie" He said out loud, looking round to thank Cass again "Hey, where'd Cass go?" 

Sam answered "To go check on something, said it wouldn't take long" 

Dean frowned "Like a case type something?" 

Sam shrugged "Don't think so"

Dean grumbled on his way to the fridge to collect yet another beer. He really hoped Cass hadn't gone to look in to a case, alone. He knew that being an angel she was stronger than he and Sam gave her credit for, but still. They were all drunk, especially Dean.. they would be no help if Cass were to need back up. Dean thought about the last six months, having Cass with them was great, not only for the help hunting, but the extra company. She was funny, without knowing it or meaning to be. Dean enjoyed showing her new things, like movies or card games or getting her to listen to music she'd never heard before. Her reactions to such things were always so sincere, she tried to understand everything at its deepest level, usually with hilarious results. Dean found himself thinking of how fond of Cass he had become.. He really hoped she wasn't out on some case alone right now..


	8. Second, First Impressions

Dean had continued to drink until the early hours of the next day. Eventually passing out still sat up in bed, with his head phones on his ears, music still playing. Castiel looked at him from the door way, he looked ill, pale and dog tired. Castiel moved quietly across the room and switched Dean's ipod off, gently pulling the head phones from his head and setting them on his side table. He then gently pressed to fingers to Dean's forehead and cleansed all the alcohol out of his blood. He walked back out of the room, turning the light off as he left it.

He went to Sam's room, opened the door quietly. The light was off and the hunter was sleeping. Cass closed his eyes in relief - Sam was home and safe, he moved away and shut the door again.

Heading towards the bunkers kitchen. It was a mess, beer bottles everywhere and the sink still full of dishes from the kareoke party. Castiel set about tidying up. He washed the dishes, dried them and put them away. Before pulling out a bin bag and collecting all the rubbish up and wiping the table down. He was glad it was a mess, it gave him something to do.

He didn't want to wake the brothers but doing nothing would have been irritating, normally he would sit and read but this was not a 'normally' situation - this was a new vessel situation. He wondered how the brothers would react to him now.. How Dean would react to him now.. Would they even believe that it was him? He started going through things in his head that he could say to prove his identity.

A few hours later and he was bored. Restless, he started baking. He baked apple pie for Dean and began chopping fruit to make Sam a smoothie, just to pass the time and if nothing else to prove he knew some of their favourite foods.. He put the chopped fruit in to a blender and left it there, turning it on now would wake the brothers up and...

"Who the hell are you?" Castiel turned around quickly to see a gun pointing at him. The harsh voice had been almost unrecognisable until he saw her face, focused on him with mostly confusion but a whisper of fear. "SAM!! DEAN!!" She shouted over her shoulder

"Jody" Said Castiel calmly, putting the knife he had been chopping fruit with in to the sink and holding up his hands to show he had no weapons

"Who are you!?" She asked again, looking at him even more confused as to how he knew her name.

"It's me, Cass" Jody raised her gun, frowning. At that moment Dean and Sam came running into the kitchen. Both holding their own guns.

"Who's this?" Asked Dean looking at Castiel

"Dean, Sam. It's me. Cass" Said Castiel "I'm in a new vessel. Ask me something.. if you don't believe me"

Dean, Sam and Jody just stared at him. Dean seemed to be looking him all over, up and down. Sam was narrowing his eyes at him in disbelief and Jody, just looked downright confused. "I made you a pie" Said Cass looking hopefully to Dean "and was about to blend you a smoothie Sam. How would I know there were some of your favourite things?" Dean looked around Cass and saw the pie.

He looked back to Cass "Did you.. I mean .. " He trailed "You're dead"

Castiel looked down sadly, shaking his head "My former vessel was badly damaged, Ruth died. She is now in heaven"

Sam looked at him "Ok.. Alright.. Say for a second we believe you.. Who is this...?" Sam asked motioning to Castiel's body

"This Jimmy Novak, he agreed to be my new vessel. I was very fortunate to have found him so quickly" Said Castiel Dean looked at him, an odd expression on his face, he scratched his head

"Cass?"

"Yes"

"It's really you?"

"Yes"

"What did you sing at the kareoke party?" Asked Dean taking a half step foreward and placing a hand on Jodys gun, pushing it downwards, but keeping his eyes locked on Castiels. This couldn't be Cass, could it?

"That's a trick question. I didn't. You sang 'Angels'. I went out for beer and pie" Smiled Castiel

Sam looked at him "What happened last night? I thought you were dead"

"I killed the other angel, I tried to heal myself but my vessel was beyond repair, so I had to leave and find a new vessel. I'm glad you made it out safely Sam" Sam shifted guiltily

"I'm sorry"

"What for?" Asked Castiel puzzled

"Leaving you. I thought you were.. well.. dead... I'm sorry"

"Well really.. I left you. I had to get out of my vessel. You have nothing to be sorry for Sam"

Jody who had been stood listening, utterly confused suddenly looked from Sam to Dean and said "Well I came here to check you were two alright after I saw Sam's text, about what happened last night. But clearly.. you're fine" She looked back at Castiel. Dragging her eyes up and down his body, before narrowing them "This is to weird" Castiel looked down at his vessel wondering what she had been looking at. Turning back to Sam and Dean, she said "Well.. I have to go. I just wanted to check you boys were alright and that you weren't drinking yourself to death Dean"

Sam suddenly looked at Dean "That's a point, you were wasted last night, I heard you throwing up at like two in the morning, how are you standing right now?"

"That would be me" Said Castiel "Forgive me if i overstepped but I wanted to check on you both when I got back here, I cleaned your blood of alcohol Dean"

Dean smiled awkwardly "Thanks"

"Right, I'm going" Said Jody snapping out of the tense weirdness that was filling the kitchen. She stepped forward to Castiel "I'm very glad you're not dead Cass. Sorry about waving my gun in your face"

"That's alright Jody" He said and she gave both the boys a quick hug and walked out of the kitchen. Looking back over heard shoulder, suddenly wondering if Jimmy Novak was going to come up a missing person at work, she'd run a check on him when she got to the station.

She walked through the bunker and out the doors and back to her car.. wondering just how her life had got so weird


	9. Consent and Understanding

Castiel stood there, very aware that neither Dean or Sam had moved. In fact since Jody had left, nearing two minutes ago, no one had even spoken. He had half hoped that once they believed him things would be alright. But he could tell from the faces of the hunters in front of him - that something was most certainly not alright. 

Castiel frowned, tilting his head "Should I leave?" He asked, hoping they would not want him to leave.

Sam and Dean looked at each other.

"No" Said Sam "Sorry Cass, It's just gonna take us a minute to catch up here" 

"I'm thrilled you're alright" Said Dean "But.. " 

"What?" Asked Castiel not understanding 

"Never mind" Dean suddenly had an expression of equally mixed anger and sadness on his face. He turned to Sam "I'm going back to bed, you got this?" 

Frowning at him Sam nodded. Giving Castiel one last fleeting glance Dean left the kitchen.

'This' ? Castiel felt like Dean had just stabbed him in the heart 'This'? What was happening, OK, so maybe the new vessel was a bit of a shock.. Castiel had surprised them, sure.. But he had expected, if he was honest.. a little more.. joy? That he wasn't dead.. 

"Are you alright?" Sam broke the silence after a few moments

"I don't understand, did I do something wrong? Is this because I cleaned Dean's blood?" 

Sam rubbed his face "No Cass. You being alive and OK, and back here is great. I just don't think Dean ever really thought much about the 'vessel' thing before. Now it's kinda hard to ignore it" 

"He doesn't like my vessel?" Asked Castiel 

"It's not that, well.. No.. It's that you are possessing someone.."

"He never minded that when it was Ruth.. " Said Castiel "It's because I am male?"

"No.. Well.. I don't know.. Why don't you go and ask him" Sam wasn't sure on what to say and what not to. Dean could answer Cass better. 

"OK, I will ask Dean then" Said Castiel before walking past Sam and following the path Dean had taken to his room. He knocked gently. 

 

***************************

"Come in" Called Dean 

As Castiel entered his room, Dean stood up, clearly he had expected Sam. Castiel closed the door behind him but didn't move further in to the room. 

"Hello Dean" He said 

".." Dean nodded at him, not meeting his eye

"What's wrong? I thought you would be pleased I didn't die. I thought you would be happy I returned,.. I thought we were friends.. " 

Dean looked down at his feet "We ARE friends Cass" 

"Then I don't understand why you seem.. disappointed that I have come back" Said Castiel sadly 

"It's not that.. I am happy you are OK. I just.. it's my own issue Cass not your problem" 

"I want to understand Dean" Said Cass quietly "I want to help if I can" 

Dean laughed "Can you fix your old vessel?" 

Castiel frowned "No, I can't do that. Is that what the problem is, you don't like this new vessel?" 

Dean screwed up his face "I don't like any vessel" 

Castiel was really confused now "Dean.. I don't.." 

"Look, we met you as.. what did you say her name was, Ruth? But you never mentioned that before and I never thought about it like that before, she was - you. As far as I was concerned and .. I.. maybe I shouldn't have, but I started to care about her.. " 

"You don't know Ruth. You know me" Said Castiel trying to keep the hurt out of his voice "So what you're saying is, you could care for me if I was in the vessel of a woman? But not if I am in a man's vessel?" 

"No" Said Dean shifting uncomfortably "I still care"

"Then why...?" 

"Its like you said... I know you. I care about you. Male or female.. I've never been with a guy before, but I don't care about that, I like YOU.. But with all this vessel business.. I realised.. This is not you. I thought I'd lost you, I thought you were gone. And then somehow, you come back and remind me.. You were never truly here.. "

"Dean.. What your saying, makes no sense.. I am here. I care about you. I thought we.. " 

"Cass! Just stop. Please try to understand.. I care about you, more than a friend, I do. I don't care what 'parts' you have, but I do care that they belong to you. And these" He motioned to Castiels body "These, don't belong to you, this is Jimmy Novak's body.. and he gave it to you.. Not me. I must have got caught up with the female vessel at first, she was beautiful and honestly I feel kinda sick with myself now for thinking of her like that when it wasn't her. I think about how many times I almost.. made a move - the problem is it was her body, but not her giving consent. Do you understand?"

"Yes" Said Castiel "But Jimmy gave me his consent.." 

"Exactly - He gave it to you, not me" Dean looked on the verge of tears "This" he motioned between them "This, can never happen"


	10. You ass Dean Winchester

Had the possibility of Dean and Castiel still been an option to Dean, he wouldn't have been so blunt about his feelings, but now.. There was no way he could forget that Castiel was inside someone else, that if he touched Cass, it would be in someone else's body. He shuddered. He just couldn't do that, it felt to close to rape. No matter how badly he wanted Castiel, of course he only realised the true extent of his feelings.. when he thought Cass was lost to him forever. But now, with Cass back.. he realised that they were completely real. The fact that Cass was now in a male vessel.. hardly phased him at all. He had never been attracted to a man before, but this was Cass and he was already in love with him. It didn't hurt that his vessel was handsome, this Jimmy Novak guy clearly took care of himself thought Dean. 

Castiel stared at him.

"Please say something" Said Dean finally 

"What do you want me to say Dean?" Asked Castiel "Do you want me to say how the first thing you think of to say to me, when I get back is how - you don't want me? Forgive me, but you are an ass. I nearly died. Before anything else, I thought we were friends. Or do you want me to leave? Do you want me to give Jimmy his body back and just go?"

Dean stepped forward reaching an arm out to touch Castiel's, but Castiel flinched and pulled his arm away.

"I'm sorry Dean, who are you trying to touch? Me or Jimmy?" Snapped Castiel anger bubbling up in him

Dean's eyes widened "Don't be like that. You know what I mean"

"I do" Said Castiel "And you have sound reasoning, but as i say I nearly died, and you seem to assume the first thing I would want to do is come back here and crawl into bed with you"

"I didn't think that" Said Dean

"Then why do you feel the need to reject me, before anything has even happened" 

"Because I.. I thought.. " Stuttered Dean

"You did not think at all Dean" Said Castiel turning and opening the door, walking out of the room and letting the door slam behind him. 

Dean was left in stunned silence. Feeling weirdly like he'd done something wrong, by trying to do the right thing. He hadn't meant to hurt Cass's feelings, he hadn't meant that at all. He had been to wrapped up in the 'Jimmy' of it all to even think about the angel much. 

 

************************

Castiel stormed down the hallway. Tears burning at his eyes. He liked Dean, he had deep affection for him, maybe even... love.. But he could be such an ass some times. Castiel had thought, his returning would be a happy thing, that maybe he'd get a hug and a pat on the back.. Not that Dean would word vomit his feelings all over him. Feelings that apparently Dean did care for Cass.. but didn't want him. What the fuck was he supposed to do with that. Dean had dangled hope in front of him and then snatched it away. He had held up the dream and then turned the light off so that Castiel couldn't see it. But the truth was.. Castiel wanted it, he wanted it so badly and he was angry with Dean taking it away from him. He would always need a vessel on earth.. It's not like he had his own body for this plane. 

He froze. Without realising out side Sam's room. He paused for a moment, thinking. What if he could.. what if somehow.. Castiel could have his own body? Without the need to possess someone.. Jimmy could have his life back, Castiel would have his own body... and Dean.. well.. 

Casteil turned to look back down the hallway towards Dean's room. Debating going back and talking to him again. He shook his head. He knew Dean wouldn't really want him to leave, he would say that there friendship was enough.. But it wasn't - not any more. Not now that Castiel knew there was a chance.. There was just this one issue in the way apparently, ownership of Jimmy's body. Dean was right, of course. Jimmy had given Castiel consent, but he shouldn't abuse that, or Jimmy. No, he would not go back to talk to Dean, instead he knocked lightly on Sam's door. 

It opened "Hey Cass" 

"Hello Sam. I just wanted to let you know. I'm leaving" Castiel held up a hand to stop Sam when he tried to speak "I have a problem, and I am going to try and find the solution. If I can't though. I will not be returning. Thank you for everything Sam"

"Cass.. Where are you going?" 

"Somewhere you can not follow, tell Dean I said goodbye please.. And tell him.. I said that I know he is right" Castiel smiled at Sam as he turned and vanished on the spot. 

************************

Dean was in his room, thinking. What had he just done? He had just assumed that Cass had feelings for him.. and when Cass didn't argue that.. Dean told him it could never happen? OK. The vessel thing was an issue.. But there had to be some way around it? Something, he left his room in time to see Castiel turn away from Sam and vanish. 

Dean's eyes widened as he looked at Sam "He's coming back, right?" 

Sam looked round to Dean "Dean, what did you do?"

Fear flashed across Dean's face "He's not coming back?"

"He said he has a problem and is going to find the solution, but if he can't he isn't coming back.. He also told me to tell you goodbye and something about knowing you were right.. " Said Sam confused 

Dean stared at him, Cass might not come back...


	11. Not Like This

Dean's breath caught in his throat. Castiel tilted his head as he looked in to his eyes. His arm rose, his hand was reaching for Castiels arm, this time though Castiel didn't flinch, he didn't pull away. Dean's hand reached Castiels arm and he felt grounded by the touch. He could feel the cool trench coat under his fingers, he squeezed, he could feel Castiels muscular arm under his grip. He looked in to Castiel's eyes. Those blue pools of honest want, staring back at him. 

He took a half step forward. He heard the words leaving his mouth without evening knowing it was him speaking "I do want you Cass. I do care" 

Castiel smiled at him, a slight blush rising to his cheeks "I know Dean, I want you too" 

The hand on Castiels arm rose, Dean's hand came to rest on the side of Castiel's face, oddly the stubble didn't bother him as he thought it might. Castiel was a man. But Dean found himself wanting him more than he had ever wanted anything. He took another shy half step forward. Flicking his tongue over his lips to wet them, his face slowly edging forward. Closing the gap that was no more than a few inches between his an Castiel's face, it was only a few inches, but it seemed to spread for miles. Finally he reached his destination. Castiel's lips. He swept his own over them shyly in a brief sweet kiss. His eyes closed, at the pressure against his own lips, he sighed. 

Castiel's arms came up and rested on Dean's shoulders "Dean. Are you sure you want.. "

"Yes" Dean said before Castiel had even finished his sentence.

"I thought I lost you, I don't know what I would have done.. I don't ever want to feel like that again. I don't want to let you go" Said Dean quietly, surprised by his own words. 

Castiel responded by pulling Dean forward into another kiss, an open mouthed kiss, Castiel's tongue slipped into Dean's mouth.. Bliss. 

For a few moments this was enough and Dean basked in the sensation of his tongue against the angels. Their bodies close and Castiel's arms hugging around his neck. 

Then those few moments were over, and suddenly.. Dean needed more. The hand on Castiels face traced down his neck to the collar of his trench coat, his other hand came up and now both his hands were at Castiels neck line, slipping under the trench coat and sliding it down Castiels arm's painfully slow as he and the angel continued to massage each others tongues with their own.

Castiel allowed the coat to fall to the floor and Dean broke the kiss and pulled his head back whispering with his eyes still closed "You don't know what you mean to me" 

Castiel's hands flew to Deans shirt, hurriedly undoing the buttons to reveal Dean's bare chest. His breath on Dean's chest as he leans forward to kiss over Dean's tattoo. Dean shudders against the touch. Eye's glazed over with desire as he lets the feeling washing over him, Castiel licks gently along Dean's collar bone. 

Dean sighs pulling Castiel's head back up by a fist full of hair "Cass..." He practically hisses at Castiel "Bed. Now" 

Dean pushes Castiel away from him, letting go of his hair as he does. Castiel falls backwards on to the bed, grinning at Dean with a smile Dean hadn't ever seen before. 

Castiel raises an eyebrow as Dean pulls his shirt off, followed quickly by his pants and then stares down at Castiel.. who is now naked except from his boxers. Dean frowns momentarily, must be an angel thing he muses. Dean climbs on to the bed and crawls towards Castiel, a predatory smile on his face and fire in his eyes. He reaches Castiel feet and grabs his ankles. Pulling him down the bed and under Dean. 

"Dean" A cracked voice reaches Dean's ears. As Dean kisses over Castiel stomach "Dean please.. " 

Dean smiles as he licks at Castiel's nipples. The body beneath him shudders. Dean looks up to Castiels face. Frowning as he see's something almost like fear in his expression. Damn Castiel must be as nervous as him. He looks as Castiel's hands.. which are tied to the bed frame by belts, frowning again. Dean pauses for a second. 

"Well don't stop now Dean" Dean froze. Turning away from the man on the bed, he was sure the voice had come from behind him. He looks around the room. Suddenly nerves were gripping at him, a chill down his spine made him shudder. "Well...? You've come this far Dean, you really gonna stop now?" 

Dean flexed his shoulders and looked back to Castiel, he seemed to fade, blur out of focus. "Cass?" 

"Sorry. Castiel isn't home right now.." Came the haunting voice again, Dean's eyes grew wide with panic and he jumped back off the bed.

"What's...?" Dean stuttered 

"Don't you want my body Dean? Doesn't it please you? It seemed to a moment ago.. you know when you were licking me?" 

Dean's heart rate jumped and his breath was ragged. He looked down at the man on the bed. His face was crystal clear now. He looked like Castiel, but he was not Castiel.. 

"Jimmy?" 

The man smiled sickly "Hello Dean. Nice to meet you. You know.. when I gave my body to an angel.. I expected it to be ... for some greater good.. not so he could go and get laid" 

Dean stared at him... "You're not real" 

Jimmy raised an eyebrow "Oh? I'm not? This isn't my body?"

Dean gawped at him.. "Well.. yeah.. but Cass" 

"Cass is driving? Hmm yeah he is. But if you steal a car.. just because you're driving it.. It doesn't make it yours.."

Dean gulped "I didn't.. "

"But you wanted to. Right?" Smiled Jimmy, he looked to his wrist's that were still belted to the bed frame "Go for it.. It's not like I can stop you" 

Dean scratched his head, panicking. He shook his head, stepping away from the bed. "No. Not like this.. " 

"No? Really? I know you want to, I could feel how hard you wanted to.. against my leg a moment ago.." 

"NO" Shouted Dean "I don't want this" 

Dean sat bolt up right in his bed. Panting. He wiped the cold sweat from his face. He was shaking. "No" He said quietly. He looked around. Beer bottles littered the floor around him. His breathing slowed as he realised he was safe, he hadn't done anything, Cass had gone.. and Jimmy.. that was a dream.


	12. A Whole New World?

"You get any more news let me know, thanks Garth" Sam hung up his phone just as Dean rounded the corner and came into the kitchen with an eyebrow raised.

"A case?" He asked

"Er. No" Said Sam turning away from him to pour himself a coffee.

"To bad" Said Dean looking grumpy again

Sam poured his coffee and gave Dean a shrug which clearly said 'i don't know what to tell you man'. He had almost reached the kitchen door when Dean spoke again.

"So what news did Garth have?"

Sam stopped, thinking 'shit'. He turned to look at Dean, who had his eyes narrowed at him. "Er. Nothing"

"Sam" Dean spoke like he was a school teacher catching a student in a lie "What's going on? What are you and Garth up to?"

Sam looked at Dean, 'fine' he thought to himself "We are looking for Cass"

Dean's face paled, he looked confused for a moment before his facial expression landed on annoyed "I told you, he.. she.. whatever isn't coming back, let it go.. "

Now it was Sam's turn to look angry "No you told me not to bring it up again, which I haven't until now. You refuse to tell me what happened before Cass left, so why should I give up looking for him. He is my friend too Dean, I don't care if you have fallen out with him, he could be in real trouble, so yeah. We're looking for him, just because you gave up doesn't mean we have too"

"Dude, he isn't coming back, you said he was going to look for a solution to something, trust me its not something that can be fixed. So he isn't coming back.. and who is we?"

"Me, Garth, Jody and Charlie.. Jody put Jimmy Novak out as a missing person" Said Sam firmly "Don't ask me to trust you Dean, when you wont even tell me what happened, you can't even trust me to know what was said in a five minute conversation between you and Cass.. "

Dean shifted uncomfortably "You wanna know?" He looked down to floor ashamedly before standing firm and looking back to Sam "Fine. It's my fault, alright? It's my fault Cass left"

"Why?" Asked Sam, keeping his voice calmer now

Dean was shaking his head angrily "Because I was damn fool, alright? I started on Cass about all this vessel bullcrap, I told him/her, whatever that i had feelings for him, but nothing could happen because it isn't his body.. That's where he has gone.. to find a way to make himself a body.. That's never gonna happen.. so he isn't coming back, because of me. Happy?"

Sam seemed to consider what Dean had said for a moment. He wasn't sure what to react to first... "OK. OK.. "

"It's really not Sam. It's not OK at all. So just leave it the hell alone, right?"

"No.. Now we know what he is doing we know what to look for in the lore.. where he might have gone and we can try and find him" Sam gave Dean a nervous look "I didn't realise how much you.. "

"Don't Sam"

"No dude, when you realise what a selfish ass you are being, come find me. But I wont stop looking for Cass, OK you had these 'feelings' for him and in a classic Dean Winchester move you pushed him away.. But damn it Dean, Cass doesn't belong to you, he was my friend too, and Jody's and Garths and Charlies. And we want to find him and make sure he is alright, we want to bring him back, bring him home. So get over yourself.. for once.. this is not about you!"

Dean stood in shock, his mouth open.. suddenly he just shook his head and walked past Sam and out of the kitchen, Sam heard a door slam further in the bunker. He was going to ignore Dean's little hissy fit, fine; if he wanted to sulk and blame himself and drink himself silly.. Sam however had already left Cass behind once and the guilt he had felt when Cass had turned up alive.. knowing he'd left to avoid questions from the police, his stomach turned.. he wasn't going to give up this time. He was going to get his friend back. And now, finally he knew where to start looking, he walked to the library and started pulling out every book on angels and vessels and such, creating a pile on the table he sat and pulled his phone out of his pocket and sent a few texts, then opened the first book, it would be a long night, hopefully Charlie, Garth and Jody would get his messages and be able to come and help with the research..

 

*********************

 

Several weeks after leaving the bunker, Castiel was stood in front of glass door, he'd been passing and caught sight of his reflection or rather Jimmy's reflection.. He looked at his vessel, wondering if he would ever have a body, his search for God had been going very badly.. Until yesterday when he had finally found the reaper he had been looking for..

"Bassam" Said Castiel firmly

The reaper turned around, a look of momentary surprise on his features as he took in Castiels male vessel "Castiel, I heard you were currently inhabiting a female vessel"

"I was" Castiel narrowed his eyes at the reaper "I am looking for God"

The reapers eyes widened "Is that so?"

"Don't test me Bassam, I have searched all of Earth, he is not here. You are the reaper in charge of Earth's life count, you know when souls go to heaven or hell or any other plane.. You must know where he is?"

"I do. And I will gladly tell you Castiel.." Smiled the reaper

"Why do i feel a 'but' coming on?"

"Not a 'but', a condition, if you find God... You will give him a message from me?"

Castiel tilted his head "What message?"

"We need a new Death. A true Death, not just a reaper leader.. an actual Death. Things will return to order much quicker with a real Death back on the throne of souls. Billie thinks shes 'in charge' but all reapers were equal, she has appointed herself, it does not sit well with the rest of us. God needs to select the next true Death himself" Said Bassam

"That is all?" Asked Castiel

"Death is our business Castiel, but we are without a true leader, the numbers are off, souls are stuck on earth that should be in heaven, there is innocent's suffering. Is that not enough?"

Castiel eyed the reaper

"We do our jobs, we don't all take some twisted enjoyment from it. Billie for example, seems to like it a little to much. I just want to do my job, I want to get the good souls to heaven. But hells souls take priority. The bad have to be dealt with first. So will you ask God to appoint a new Death?"

"I shall" Said Castiel firmly

"Very well. God is not on this plane, he is in another universe. Airilia, his newest project" The reaper rolled his eyes "You'd think he would fix this world before running off to create another.."

"How do I get there? Can you get me there?"

"I can get you to Arillia's heaven.. you will have to work the rest out yourself. I have a few souls in this city to deliver to heaven tonight, I can take you tomorrow"

"Thank you Bassam. You have been most helpful"


	13. Arrival in Arillia

 

   

 

As Bassam led Castiel to what he called the Archway of Worlds, Castiel felt a thrill of excitement. He was finally going to find God. He'd been looking for him for weeks. He had been close to giving up if he was honest, ignoring Sam and Dean's prayers had been hard. Sam's pleading's with him to just come home and they could help him, and that they missed him and how he hoped he was alright... Castiel felt such surges of fondness for the younger Winchester whenever he prayed to him..  Dean however, was less poetic, which the occasional drunken 'Get your feathery ass home Cass, you made your point'. It was still nice to hear their voices though, Castiel thought. He knew they were OK if they prayed, annoyed with him for leaving sure, but OK.

"This is The Archway of Worlds?" Asked Castiel looking at the abandoned archway remains 

"This is it" Said Bassam standing next to Castiel "This is a door God created recently to enable himself to pass between worlds quickly, it only works if you know where your going and.. this bit was clever.. intend no harm to your destination, pretty sure that was added in case the likes of Lucifer ever find out about it. He couldn't skip between worlds and cause mayhem" 

Castiel nodded "I see the wisdom in that"

Bassam moved forwards towards the archway and turned back to Castiel "To Arillia then?" 

Castiel nodded and stepped forward and followed Bassam through the archway. The pair felt a blast of air as they past under the crumbly bricks, like being stood under a ceiling air conditioning unit. Then the air calmed again as they stepped out from the archway... 

 

*******************

As they blinked against the bright sunshine, it only took them a few seconds to realise something had gone wrong. 

Bassam looked about him, clearly confused "I.. don't understand.."

"This is not heaven, this is Arillia" Spoke Castiel quietly "But you said.."

"I shouldn't have been able to come here, only to the heaven" 

"Do you feel that?" Castiel looked at himself "Something is different here.."

Bassam nodded "I do believe.. we are powerless here. In fact.. Human?" 

Instinctively Castiel dropped his angel blade into his hand and glanced about him "There is no heaven here.. no hell.. no limbo or purgatory. That's why we have arrived straight on to Arillia"

Bassam nodded "Well, lets go and find God" 

 

The two men set off. This plane reminded Casitel of Earth, but many years ago. When everything still belonged to nature. It was beautiful. Castiel could feel - in his now temporary human state, that the air was cool and fresh. They walked towards a beautiful waterfall. The reaper and the angel - both now humans - took in its breath taking beauty as if this was the first time they had seen the world in colour. They stood in silence beneath it for minutes, eyes gliding over the cascading water which shone rainbows through it. 

After a few moments Castiel realised they were not alone, a short, curly haired man was stood on the other side of the water fall and seemed to be studying it. 

"Look" Castiel pointed to the man so Bassam knew where to look  
  
"It's him" Said Bassam quietly and they slowly made there way around the waterfall to where the man was stood.

 

************************

"Castiel, Bassam?" 

The man had turned to see the pair walking towards him. And now Chuck Shurley, aka God standing staring at them eyes wide in wonder, he smiled softly. 

"My lord" Bassam dropped to his knees with his head bowed

Chuck raised his eyebrows "Get up Bassam" He chuckled "What are you guys doing here?" 

Castiel stepped forward "Father.. " He began

"Chuck" Said Chuck calmly 

Castiel looked stung, but continued "Chuck.. We have come, in search of you" 

Chuck looked at the two of them "Well you found me"

"My lord.. Chuck, I have come to ask you to appoint a new Death for Earth" Asked Bassam 

Chuck nodded and then looked expectantly to Castiel

Castiel suddenly felt nervous "I have come to request.. a body" 

Chucks eyebrows almost disappeared into his hair line as he looked at Castiel "You want to be human?" 

"No, I would like to remain an angel, I just want my own vessel. I.. "

Chuck's eyes widened "Does this have anything to do with Dean Winchester by any chance?" 

Castiel tilted his head "How do you.."

"I guess you could say I had some inside information.. You see, you and Dean met before, in a different way. It took you both years, to even admit you had feelings for each other, I had things to do you know.. It was like.. the will they wont they of Ross and Rachael on Friends. So I may have tweaked the timeline a little bit..  What's the matter Castiel? You don't think you deserve love?" Chuck looked at the angel

"Why would you do this?" Asked Castiel taken aback

"Good things do happen.. " 

"Not in my experience.. " Muttered Castiel

"You and the Winchester's, you usually help the good things happen, surely you see that? How many people you have helped, saved? How many murderous monsters you have helped take down to keep Earth's humanity safe? And there was a whole lot more in that other time line. I figured.. after everything you guys had been through.. It was time for a change. I didn't like the plot, to much, blood and drama, and being the author.. i could go back and try it again. Set you up to meet Dean in a different way. Charlie.. A personal favourite human of mine, would avoid her original fate. And.. well.. I don't want to say anymore, but lets just say.. I wanted to skip the ten years of will they, wont they.." 

"You altered the timeline?" Castiel was thinking "What about Ruth?" 

Chuck looked at him sadly "Ruth.. sadly in either timeline Ruth died, in the first time line however, she made some bad choices and caused an accident in which a young girl called Claire was killed, Ruth's soul went to hell. In this time line, Ruth is now in heaven and Claire is alive and well" 

Castiel nodded and accepted this as the better option then he remembered what he and Bassam had spoken about earlier "Why are we human here? Why is there no heaven or hell?" 

Chuck smiled "No heaven, no hell, no angels, no reapers, no demons, no witches, no magic at all except yours truly. Keeps this place safe. The idea here is reincarnation, so we have no need for angels or reapers or such, when people die here.. their soul transfers as energy and they will be reborn as something else. Free will here will be unscathed by fate, or demons or even me. Its going to be about freedom. And you know Castiel it's partly thanks to you. Come.. let me show you Destiel Island" 


	14. Destiel Island

Chuck leads Castiel and Bassam to the shore line and then, carried on walking, right into, on to .. the waves of the sea.. water under his feet holding him up.. as though there is a road of glass, just below the waves.. Chuck is walking across the sea, towards an island.. Castiel and Bassam follow him, exchanging a glance of awe, finding that with Chuck they too are able to walk on water. As they near the island Castiel can see.. it is in the shape of a giant hand.. 

Castiel asks Chuck about it.. 

"In the other timeline.. you pulled Dean from hell.. you saved him and you left a mark on him, a hand print scar on his shoulder.. It always felt.. symbolic to me. So I chose to make Destiel island this shape in honour of that.. Come on" They walked across the sea.. it was surreal. Castiel could see fish beneath his feet as they neared the shores of Destiel Island..

The island is beautiful, so green, in a sea of blue.. 

Reaching one of the fingers of the island.. the golden beaches and coconut trees stretching out in front of them, they paused on the beach, taking it all in. The birds flying over head, the smells of plants, coconuts.. the sea air.. It was.. stunning. Chuck smiled at them, and led them in to the Island, deeper in to the palm of the island, it was growing darker.. Fire torches, could be seen ahead, they were walking in to small village.. a tribe of people, some coming out of small wooden huts and mud homes, a great fire in the centre of a clearing, people were gathering around it, chattering excitedly at the sight of their visitors.. Some way off, a large, arena type building could be seen and Castiel stared at it in amazement.. it seemed out of place, being the only building made from stone.. and there.. over the great door to it.. was a large statue of himself and.. Dean.. holding hands. Carved beautifully out of stone.. 

Castiel stared at it.. speechless. It was so clearly him and Dean.. 

"Its the closet thing these people have to a church.. The don't celebrate me here, they celebrate.. love and goodness.. You and Dean.. embody that for these people, from the story's I have told them" Said Chuck smirking at him.. "So.. you want a body?" 

"Yes" Answered Castiel shaking himself and suddenly remembering why he was here.. 

"You will have to complete three challenges.. I set plans in motion in the other time line.. plans i regret. So I need you to prove to me that this is really what you want" 

"What do I have to do?" Asked Castiel thinking of the statue he had seen and wondering if that was based on something that had already happened.. in the other time line.. or if it was for something, that could be true in this one..

"I will explain, come.. sit"

The three of them sat on tree logs, tribes people began muttering and watching them, Bassam watched the great fire in the middle of the tribe, as people were coming over to greet them, playing tin drums.. Chuck was obviously thought of very highly here.. but not.. it seemed, worshipped. Castiel however, was being given offerings by the tribes people, fruit and flowers.. He smiled at everyone, thanking them. 

Castiel looked questioningly to Chuck "They know who you are Castiel" He said "I've told them all about you, the angel who fought for freedom, the angel who stood up for what was right, the angel who fell in love.. You have many great story's, some from this life, many from the other, but you always.. try. That is what is rewarded here, effort. They get back, by giving. Not fighting each other for everything.. "

Castiel felt he was in a dream, this place was beautiful. Peaceful, a paradise.. "Why can't earth be like this?" He asked

Chuck sighed "To make earth this way now.. would mean scrapping it and starting again.. I think it is better to leave earth alone now, the people have their freewill.. and you, and the Winchesters, I have faith you will keep things under control.. You are so good Castiel, once you opened your mind to the belief of freewill.. you thrived. I am, greatly proud of you, that's why I changed the time line, you were hurt so often before.. You and Dean and Sam, all of you suffered.. far to much. So yes, I want to grant your request, but I must be sure this is truly what you want.. I will give you three challenges and if you can complete them.. I will grant your wish. And then.. Bassam, we will discuss your business here"

Castiel wondered what the challenges would be. 

"Your first challenge will come tomorrow Castiel, in the arena.. You will give a demonstration of your strength.. of mind"

"What do you mean?" Asked Castiel... 

"You shall see.. tomorrow" Said Chuck, for now.. lets enjoy the evening, you and Bassam will need to sleep tonight, your powers wont work here.. So you are essentially human, and will tire.. You shall need a good rest to be ready for your first challenge" 


End file.
